Yes, dear friends, that time of year is nearly upon us again…hot cocoa and mittens, reindeer and jingle-bells, the annual tree-killing ceremony and yes, even the time-honored tradition of finding a home for a stray Christmas moose. These wandering meese (that’s plural for moose, except in Canada where it’s spelled mousse) come in all shapes and colors and sizes, and are usually found grazing beneath various and sundry conifers or perched politely on a doorstep. The phraseology that ‘the moose is loose’, however, should not be construed as a commentary on lovesick ruminants nor as a medical diagnosis of a bowel disorder, but rather as a straightforward (and straight-faced) statement on migratory habit.
I was fortunate this season to have been invited to a Christmeese Round-Up (as hunting really is unneccessary—they just stand there) and managed to bag my limit, as it were. So, I am happy to announce that this year’s supply of meese is better than adequate. As my eldest sister can attest, having been the enviable recipient of one of the rare herd last year, meese are a rather nice complement to holiday festivities, even in households with children (literary goats, on the other hand, tend to seek quarter in the jungle-like climes of said children and are never seen again!). Christmeese, being rare and easily-domesticated do not require others of their kind in the immediate vicinity, as they are rare enough to have not acquired the herd mentality, but can tolerate each other in small groups.
And so, dear friends, please be thoughtful enough this holiday season to clear a little extra space on, say, …your fireplace mantels, as they naturally enhance virtually any decor. Christmeese, for the uninitiated, eat very little and have been known to hibernate for up to eleven months in a box! They require neither licenses nor shots for ownership in residential areas and have no natural enemies in the wild. I thank you all in advance for your kindness in adopting these wayward, wandering, potential-hat-racks.