A chemist’s Christmas list

Yesterday, Saturday, I was spending leisurely doing xmas-related things, when I happened upon my oldest nephew’s wish list (he’s a high school chemistry whiz)—I laughed out loud!  I had to, partially out of sheer amazement and partially because he’s so enthusiastic about chemistry.  BUT, it wasn’t a jolly old elfin laugh…it was more of a nervous-neighbor-of-Ted-Kaczinsky kind of laugh.  And so to quell my trepidation, a rhyme-scheme swooped in to save the day!!!  And so…..

To understand my Christmas list
requires a rocket scientist–
(for things I’ve overlooked or missed,
consult, perhaps, an alchemist).
You see, it seems my fondest wishes
spring to life in Petri dishes–
what starts with cellular mitosis
often spawns my folks’ neuroses.
My interests vary hour by hour
from fossil fuels to solar power,
from anti-matter and simple rust
to magnetohydrodynamic thrust.

Ergs and amps and ohms and joules
are not just terms, but rather tools
that power laser fantasies
in bromide-argon matrices.
Beakers, flasks, oscilloscopes,
test-tubes filled with isotopes,
organometallics, genetic strings–
these are a few of my favorite things!

A mass-spectrometer’s on my list,
so prove to me that elves exist–
but if I must, I’ll just make do
with a gas chromatograph (or two).
The glazed expression in your eyes
reveals a truth I recognize:

Sometimes it’s better NOT to know
what makes things tick or work (or glow)!!!

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